for anna, who is braving the wilds of the elementary for a second time, in a different role - and is still in the u.k. (which is still needing to be braved), who asked for another story.
once upon a time (becuase we have to follow tradition) there was a girl named anna. not a princess (because royalty's overrated, you know, figureheads and all) but a normal girl. she had moved, braving the foreign wilds of the u.k. (foreign doesn't even begin to cover it - they say 'trouser', and 'lolly') to gain life experience (and to live with a boy-type named maarten, but that's another story). but anna wasn't as normal as she seemed. you see, despite being a day-time gym teacher (who was loved for her crazy skills and mad talent), anna had a secret. once the sun disappeared from the sky (to go visit god, because he liked seeing his creation sometimes, and why not up close and personal?) anna slipped into the nearest change room, whipped off her clothes (to the song "wicked little girls" by estero cause it's kinda a stripper song, but in the fun-safe-wholesome way) and revealed her tight black spandex-leather suit (ooh, kinky). voici gym-girl, who saves the world from the stereotypical jock. one cold, late night in smoggy ----------- (bleeped for security reasons), gym-girl heard a call for help over her (contraband, blackmarket) police radio. the staticy voice gave directions to the scene of an apparent crime. gym-girl (aka anna, don't forget) strapped herself into her gym-mobile and sped to the scene (flew, too, but we don't like to talk about the 'extra' mechanisms in the mobile). the scene (a.k.a. ------------ palace - again, security y'know) looked normal, but gym-girl wasn't fooled. (after all, she looked like a normal person during the day too, but since when is being a superhero normal?) she opened the hatch in her gym-mobile, stealthily crept out, and approached the palace, sticking to the shadows (not literally, although she'd always wondered what it would be like to be spiderwoman). gym-girl (like the freaking superhero she is) used her crazy powers of movement to dart between the laser security system, until she reached one that had been dismantled (apparently, someone had chucked a ball at the control panel, and that section'd been the one to blow). gym-girl (our fearless heroine) executed (not the killed kind, though, because superheros don't murder, because can you imagine the headlines?) a perfect springboard summersault, minus the springboard, and vaulted into the chamber. she heard a (dignified) cry for help, and hurtled down the hall toward the sound. unfortunately, she skidded a bit past the source of the sound (apparently her anti-slid shoes were faulty) and she backtracked with her superhero reflexes. entering the room, she noticed the door was removed from its hinge and kicked in (clearly the work of a devious criminal). gym-girl dashed inside while humming "duh duh doo doo dooooo dut dut" (just try it, to a few different tunes) and saw a horrible sight! an unknown member of the royal family (technically, the queen, but we can't say that because it's censored, remember?) was surrounded by three men in tight black shirts and jeans, holding red rubber balls (the kind anna the gym teacher used for dodgeball), aimed at her head! gym-girl narrowed her eyes. this was her kind of fight. (after all, she had sworn to protect the world for the stereotypical jock, and these looked like they fit the bill.) quickly thinking, gym-girl asked the buff boys "how do you spell stereotypical?" the three blurted out, in unison, "s-t-e-r-" and then all he-- (fun safe wholesome, remember?) broke loose as they argued whether the next letter was an i, e, or y. gym-girl darted around the room, taking advantage of their distraction to grab the unknown member of royalty in one hand and open a window with the other. with a devious (and blindingly white and straight) smile, gym-girl called out "hasta-la-vista, boys" and sprayed them with pepper spray. to the coming chorus of sirens, gym-girl dramatically jumped out of the window, the unknown member of royalty safely protected. depositing her cargo in the arms of the nearest suitable cop, gym-girl crept back to her gym-mobile, got in, and sighed. saving the world could be so tiring some days. she put the gym-mobile in auto pilot and closed her eyes to take a nap. after all, the next morning anna was teaching the five year olds, and, well... who knew what would happen?
